i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
