i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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