At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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