If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
