Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
