wanna go halves on a baby?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
