You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
