I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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