She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Bring me that man meat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
