i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
