nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
