Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
