i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize