new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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