I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
