i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize