She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
