I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I fill condoms, not promises.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
