could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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