Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
