I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
