I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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