Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I deserve this hangover.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
