I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
God, I missed his penis.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
