the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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