Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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