Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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