Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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