Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize