I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
