Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
