Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
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Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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