How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
