i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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