My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
