i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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