I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
