I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
