I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize