I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
