So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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