you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
