Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
