haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
