at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
