my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
