god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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