just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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