You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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