We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
