His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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