Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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