At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
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I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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