yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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