Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
