Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
