This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
