Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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